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In this chapter, the author discusses various patterns of thinking that can lead to self-sabotage. The focus is on seemingly minor decisions (SMDs) that people make, which may seem irrelevant at the time but can have significant consequences in the long run. The author provides examples of SMDs, such as running late due to doing one more task before leaving the house or starting a new project instead of focusing on an important one. The author suggests recognizing and acknowledging these SMDs and making a conscious effort to shift one’s thinking and behaviors to avoid self-sabotage.

To understand one’s SMDs, the author encourages readers to ask specific questions about the choices they make and how they impact their mood, stress levels, and overall results. By understanding the factors that influence one’s behavior, individuals can make more informed decisions and avoid falling into thinking traps. The author also emphasizes the importance of recognizing the subtle aspects of one’s thinking process and how they can either support or hinder personal growth and success.

The author introduces the concept of rigid rules that people often set for themselves using words like should, must, always, and never. These rules can lead to self-imposed pressure and procrastination, as individuals feel obligated to adhere to these strict standards. The author suggests replacing these words with could or prefer to create more flexibility in thinking. By challenging these rigid rules, individuals can open themselves up to more possibilities and make choices that align with their specific situation and needs.

Another thinking pattern discussed is the tendency to justify, excuse, or blame external factors for one’s behavior. The author suggests examining the validity of these justifications and excuses and focusing on whether they are helpful or harmful to one’s goals and overall well-being. By reframing these thoughts and taking responsibility for one’s actions, individuals can break out of negative patterns and make more proactive choices.

The author also addresses the concept of not seeing all available choices, which can be influenced by past decisions, self-identity, and the choices of others. The author encourages readers to explore alternative sides of themselves and consider how they can bring different qualities to different situations. By expanding one’s view of available choices, individuals can make more informed and empowering decisions.

Lastly, the author discusses the challenge of distinguishing between causes and consequences. Often, individuals think that their thoughts and feelings determine their behavior, but the author suggests flipping this perspective and considering behavior as the cause and thoughts and feelings as the consequence. This shift in thinking can help individuals take more control over their actions and make choices that align with their goals.

To further explore these concepts, the author provides various questions for readers to reflect on, allowing them to delve deeper into their thinking patterns and identify areas where they may be engaging in self-sabotage. By critically examining their thoughts and behaviors, individuals can work towards making more intentional choices and avoiding common thinking errors that lead to self-sabotage.

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